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On Being An Entrepreneur

Facebook, YouTube, and all other Internet apps were all the buzz. “Social Media Influencer” became a real thing. As I scrolled through my feed, aesthetically pleasing motivational quotes caught my eye, an angry (or passionate) middle-aged man was saying how I should work more, news of randos getting millions in funding for the weirdest ideas emerged, college drop out billionaires were heading into work in pajamas… and eventually, I started to believe that I too can conquer the world.

“The Hustle”

I started my career at the euphoric height of the entrepreneurship and hustle cultures. As a person being at his most productive stage of life while caught in this blip of time, I took in these cultures with open arms.

I was a hero in my own mental playground. Being an entrepreneur involved taking the less worn path while using my mental, physical, and financial health to achieve “success” (loosely defined to be within the intersection of meaning, influence, autonomy, and financial gain). Also, I started this early on in my professional life. This meant putting a detriment towards establishing a solid career path. At that time, I felt like I was embarking on one of life’s greatest adventures.

With being unprepared and unskilled, I dove head first into all that appetizing risk and uncertainty with an unhealthy dose of optimism and naivete. Sure, there were moments of triumph. Though as what is said in the stars of this life decision, it is one that is blessed with a more generous portion of tribulations.

Since being an entrepreneur, I have been operating on an overwhelmed basis by default. Being whelmed is a rarity. In fact, now that a good part of the decade was spent doing this, I feel as if something broke. I do not really know how to operate in any other way. The driving mode is in “sport” at all times. The downside being it consumes a heck of an amount of fuel. Between all the excitement and turmoil is a person who is always on the edge.

Stubbornness, the age old recipe?

During one of those lonely and hopeless nights some moons ago, I told myself that I shall allow myself to endure this for a total of 5 years. When I failed, I told myself that I would make the next try the last. But this became a recurring pattern of behavior against any personal standards that I had set for myself. It also went beyond any time limit that I supposedly stood firm on. Now, my “last try” miraculously worked out, but I wonder what would have happened if this didn’t. Would I have stopped or tell myself once more that the next will be my last?

There is oftentimes a reference to the “entrepreneurial DNA”. That is, there are characteristic predispositions for individuals who are suitable to be an entrepreneur. This is separate to general characteristics that are much needed in the working world (such as being responsible, a team player, etc.). Speaking from my experience alone, this “DNA” may instead be related to being resilient (or stubborn), requiring high stimulation (or an addictive personality), and risk taking (or foolish). Depending on the circumstances that surrounds one’s life, these characteristics best describe an entrepreneur or a stubborn and impulsive addict. Perhaps they are merely two sides to the same coin?

Conclusion

Anyway, if I had the choice to turn back the hands of time, would I still choose to be an entrepreneur or would I choose the alternative? From a cost-benefit analysis, both options are riddled with their own challenges and likewise pleasures. Both could potentially lead to meaning and fulfillment (otherwise known as “The Good Life”). Though if my hunch is right, I would likely turn out to be an entrepreneur once more. Perhaps it is the stubborn thrill seeking fool within me. Or perhaps, deep down, I know that having taken the less worn path made all the difference.

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2022 In Review: Mid-Life Crisis Came Early.

It’s that time of the year to engage in reflection with the hope that new insight emerges. I’ve been doing my fair share of reflections, which inadvertently led to a contemplation about life in general. In this post, I intend to stay true to reflecting on the past one year alone (as what most people do when the new year comes close). This is with the utmost hope that it will better prepares me for the year to come. So, here goes.

2022’s career blessing

For context, I started a new business entity in September of 2020. In 2021, I was encouraged, but not completely certain, that the business was going to do well. 2022, on the other hand, showed a predictable and constant business performance month-on-month. This year was the year that convinced me that I am doing well in my business and career.

I couldn’t be asking more out of my career at this stage of my life. I am at the best synergy of what I can provide professionally: I provide my service to customers, I teach and supervise others, and I manage a business. All in all, my academic requirements, professional and business experience, individual characteristics, the right support, and a fair bit of luck, have converged to this point in time, providing me with this outcome.

I am beyond blessed and very grateful to be where I currently am. I have achieved the end goal of what I had been hoping to achieve out of my professional life.

However, as much as I rejoice and appreciate the gift that I have received, nothing would have prepared me for the overwhelming anxiety that was to come.

What is there left to do?

All of my professional years were along a measured trajectory. There was always a plan in place to ensure that the trajectory remains upward. As compared from the month or year before, this can come in the form of an increased income, better job, more satisfaction, more options, more autonomy, more influence, and so on and so on.

The added investment of time and effort oftentimes had an intended incremental benefit to my professional self. As with many others who want to grow their career, I would often like for it to also coincide with positive gains in other domains of life, namely it having a positive effect on my finances and quality of life.

To be frank, I enjoyed this “game” which people refer to as “career development”. It is a game which requires strategy and resourcefulness. There is a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment at the completion of every “level”.

However, applying the same mental framework at present is a challenge if not impossible. There are no longer immediate needs to fulfill. Barring any dramatic circumstances and so long as the status quo somewhat remains, any further time and effort invested into my career will instead fulfill my wants.

It is at this juncture in life that I realize I am not as hungry as I think I was. It really takes tremendous hunger to want to lead a company bigger than a handful of employees. I cannot even imagine the kind of hunger it takes to lead a billion dollar company. As much as I look up to successful global figures with tremendous entrepreneurial achievements such as the Elons or Steves of the world, what is certain is I do not have that drive in me to want accomplishments of that magnitude.

What if there is no longer a need to plot for an upward trajectory in my career? What is there left to do?

Mid-Life Crisis?

Reaching the end goal of what I had hoped to achieve in my career much earlier on led to unpleasant surprises. It not only meant that I had to let go of the only mode of operation that I knew in my professional life (e.g., do better compared to the day before), but it also meant that I had to face what typically comes at the conclusion of one’s professional life.

In 2022, I have been struggling with the realization that life is finite. While everyone obviously knows that we all die someday, but not many of us actively think and feel this as an impending and eventual reality. We always have something more urgent and immediate in our environment to worry about. Often, it revolves around building a sustainable life for ourselves and the people we care about (which a job helps with).

But what if we’re done with the job of sustaining life? What happens next?

I had never related to the portrayal of a “mid-life crisis”. This is oftentimes stereotypically portrayed as a middle-aged man making impulsive decisions unbefitting to himself and his age. But I get it now. Whatever a “mid-life crisis” looks like as an action, the intrinsic drive to perform said action matters more. Personally, it is the realization that I have arrived at the end and not knowing what comes next other than eventual death. It is as if I am one step away from the edge of the grid of the earth. Taking that one step would achieve complete disconnection from productive society. It signals the end of the “rat race”, but also the abyss.

Existential Vacuum

As much as I do get overwhelmed with death anxiety from time to time, I also note that this is a kind of anxiety that is due to privilege. It is the kind of anxiety that comes from not having an immediate threat to my professional and financial life. In my case, a “what next?” vacuum was created once my career goal has been accomplished.

Upon further evaluation, this is a privileged anxiety because it is a kind of anxiety from having freedom and choice. There is freedom and choice to decide if I should operate based on the same logic as most people would if they were me, namely to have the business do better than what it did the month/ year before. But, there is also the freedom and choice to pursue other options. What if I just maintained business operations and invest my time and effort to pursue other interests? Maybe start a fun new business? How about delegating work and wander the world instead?

I am still searching as to which option is best. Due to this, I am still met with (at times) overwhelming anxiety about impending and eventual death. But, wisdom seems to point towards deepening my work in psychology and business. There is a reason why they fascinate and engage me so much. This fascination had led me to putting in the time and effort to get better at them. It then resulted in the outcome that I am currently having. I suppose doing what works won’t hurt?

You might have heard about a rather divine concept of “Ikigai”. It means the intersection of skills, talent, and profession, leading to a purpose in life. I suppose I struggle with this. With the limited time that I have being alive, am I doing my life’s best work or engaging in the most purposeful of actions? I don’t know.

Conclusion

The immediate future as of next year looks clear: do some teaching, market the business more effectively, do some traveling, start writing that book that I’ve always said I’d do.

As for the longer-term future, I’d say I’m still a work in progress. And I suppose this is a shared quality that I have with everybody else, regardless of life’s circumstances. There is a definite mystery of what the future holds. And I am certain that in our own little ways, all of us are searching for a fair bit of meaning in the shroud that’s ahead of us.

Perhaps this is the grandest game to play. An unsolved mystery that can never be solved. A game which we call “life”?

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What’s new? Why now?

Hello somebody.

It has been a year since I’ve logged in. What’s new?

Frankly, there’s going to be something new at all times. New thoughts, new feelings, new happenings. Some stay longer than others. On the other hand, some may be so fleeting that before I even take the time to contemplate on them, some other thing comes around.

I’ve now decided to be more dogmatic and disciplined in my approach to journaling. Some big steps were taken which includes re-arranging my time spent on doing professional tasks. That allows for more headspace (and time) to contemplate. To make this more achievable and realistic, I also intend to write only a little each time.

Why now? As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, and the next best time being now. Between one’s birth and death, lots happen. Lots have been happening and time keeps ticking away.

As John Mayer puts it:

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But honestly, won’t someone stop this train?

Life is a train that will never stop. It will only stop when life ceases to continue. It no longer feels like a fantasy or a distant theory. I’d need to live more because death is an impending and absolute truth. This is why I am starting this now.

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What is a happy (work) life?

I was browsing through TikTok when I saw a video of a guy playing a guitar while accompanied by his dog. This is the same guy with viral videos of his dog playing the bass drum along tunes he was strumming on his instrument.

However, this time around, the video’s text read saying the dog had passed away a week ago. That video showed a rather elderly dog resting its head on the guitar player’s lap, just like any other videos that they have together, while he strums along a song. He thanked the dog for all the love that she had shared with him throughout the years.

I’ve watched that video several days ago. But, the feeling I have from that video is still with me.

When I look at them, I can feel their love and happiness. He had spent so much time being with his dog doing what he enjoys. It was simple but meaningful.

A Common Factor

This made me wonder: what is a happy life? Or rather, do I have a happy life?

While people could provide a variety of answers to the above question or make different choices in life in order to achieve it, there is one variable among us all that remains the same. That variable is time spent.

I am of the opinion that a large majority of people (myself included) do not take into serious consideration the way we spend our time.

The Heart Yearns

I do not think that I’ll be able to do any other job than the one I’m doing now. I know that I genuinely enjoy it. And for the most part, I do benefit others by doing it. But, it has come to a point where too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Instead of enjoying it, it becomes a chore. Rather than being a source of pleasure and fulfillment, it has become a prison of my own creation.

A recent blunder with a client had made me reflect on how I’ve been taking myself too seriously. I spend most of my time fulfilling tasks and outcomes, that I don’t take time to think, acknowledge, and appreciate. While I carry with me the pressure to maintain a reputation and standards of performance, I fail to recognize that at present, I’ve already come a long way.

A career is meant to be enjoyed. And for a while now, I’ve not stopped to smell the roses.

When that error in judgment with that client was unraveling, a thought crossed my mind if I am fit to be a psychologist. Upon further reflection, it is not so much about the job that I’m doing. But rather, it is the way I treated and viewed myself. I am no different than anyone else. That is, I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. And I don’t think I’ve intentionally spent time in a long while to work on being okay with that.

What did the guitarist and the dog teach me?

As I am writing this, I wonder in what way are the feelings I have from the video related to the woes that I’m facing at the moment. After some consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that the lesson from all this is that time has to be intentionally spent.

Knowing that I do enjoy what I’m doing, I can be intentional in making the most out of my career. That is, I can take the time to appreciate and acknowledge my present accomplishments more regularly. I can also take the time to learn how to be OK with being imperfect as a psychologist. As a result, by the end of this career, I can look back and see that I did spend all that time actually being happy with what I was doing.

When I viewed that video, I saw how happiness can be so simple. Similarly, my job doesn’t have to be riddled by the burden and complications. It too can contain simple happiness. What it needed was a different approach.

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Musings of a Small Business Owner: A Personal Reflection

It has been about 6 years since I caught the entrepreneurial bug. How time flies.

Since then, it has been an ongoing train ride/ wreck that never stops. Admittedly, I’ve made some stupid mistakes. But, over the course of tine, I’ve learned to be a little wiser in business. To add to that, I’ve learned how to cope with the ongoing uncertainty, stress, and anxiety much better.

In short, what changed the most in the past 6 years is that I’ve gained more experience in how to do business in a better way and how to better manage myself in all of the madness.

Of course, I’m far from being the perfect entrepreneur, nor am I near anywhere significant in relative measures of business success compared to others. But, compared to who I was 6 years ago, I believe I’ve made progress which I find to be personally significant.

In this process, I felt that some parts of me permanently changed.

A Pipe That Doesn’t Stop Leaking

There have been a few noticeable changes that happened to me through the course of the past few years.

Firstly, I have come to a serene acceptance that I’ll never be able to have the right balance in addressing the ongoing firefighting, stress, anxiety, and limited (physical, psychological, and financial) resources at any given time.

Addressing my physical and psychological needs would be at the expense of personal or company’s finances, while addressing an (often) urgent business need will be at the expense of increased stress and anxiety. It’s like having several leaks along a pipe, with only two hands to temporarily block some of the leaks at a time. Water is still bursting out of the pipe somewhere.

I believe that this will be an ongoing reality for the rest of my business career.

Being Unidimensional: A Necessity

As a follow-up to the first point, in order to be more efficient with said resources, much effort has been invested into putting myself in a position to do what I like. To me, it is an inevitable fact that a person must enjoy (either through learning or from an innate tendency) doing business in order for it to be a sustainable means of an income.

I’ve found that enjoying it helps with putting in the necessary work to grow the business. Most times, other rewards, such as financial growth, social recognition, comfort, or whatever misconceptions people have about running a business do not actually materialize at least in the first few years (or even at all). It is a slow and demoralizing grind.

Having an enjoyment for business also helps with the important need to persevere through the inevitable failure(s). If there is no enjoyment, then one risks giving up too soon.

As a result, I’ve become more uni-dimensional in my character. The business that I do takes up almost all (if not all) of my resources, time, and effort. Yes, I believe I’ve become a more well-rounded person by picking up a variety of skills and knowledge, but most of it is to further advance the business or to enhance my competence with the business.

I don’t have a quirk about myself that is not part of my professional identity. I don’t have a separate weekend life. My identity is very much aligned with what I do with my business.

Some may call it “Ikigai”, some may call it “flow”, some may call it an obsession or not having a life. People who are not involved in business or have an interest in the economy (and in my case, psychology) may find me to be a bore.

Is it right, is it wrong? I don’t have the answer to a correct way of life. But I do know that it is necessary (for me).

Just thinking.
Achieving a goal in adult life takes a whole lot of deep and lasting personal changes.
A Mind That Is Always On

Lastly, being efficient with my resources also means developing a mindset that caters to the business. I remember a time in my life when I was able to “switch off”. This was especially true during my formative years into the practice of mindfulness.

Through the past few years, I have come to develop a mind that is constantly problem-solving, ideating, or strategizing by default.

I do appreciate that I get to work out business problems when I’m doing the most mundane of tasks. I find that I also do it as I sleep. While efficient in utilizing time and very useful in my professional/ business development, it isn’t the best mind to have when wanting to unwind.

The Impact of the Pandemic

Now, it may be too simplistic to simply assign the full blame of my psychopathology on the pandemic. There’s probably more that I can do for my mental health during these challenging times.

But, I don’t appreciate that the pandemic has added significant and uncontrollable stressors on top of the undercurrent of uncertainty and anxiety that I’m already tolerating without one.

As it is, running a business comes with great risk, uncertainty and a whole lot of problems. Adding a global pandemic into the mix magnifies that effect. I’m honestly not sure how other entrepreneurs are coping with it. My guess is most are still too busy firefighting and sacrificing their mental health in the process (refer to leaking pipe analogy above).

Financial uncertainties aside, protective mechanisms are also taken away. This can include the ability to have more hands-on management of the business (not possible if I’m “working from home” or not able to meet staff), lack of social support (no networking with others from the same circle), lack of physical exercise or ability to be in a different environment (to get my mind off things), and the list goes on.

These things used to keep my gears running smoothly. As my work is screen time heavy, pandemic-friendly options for support simply adds to my screen time, which produces a negative (or net, at best) effect on my mental health.

For now, I’m glad that I can have my own meals outside and work out (double masked). These privileges might be taken away again a couple months down the road. I should load up on these experiences to fill up at least a little of my already empty batteries.

What’s in the Future?

As an overall, I have an optimistic view of the future. Despite dwindling mental health, I think I should have enough in the tank to see this through without completely falling apart. I’m thankful that I have protective nets which are supporting me (SES, positive family relationships included).

In the grand scheme of things, this pandemic is probably but a drop of water in the ocean.

As I’m reading back what I’ve written in this post, the main take away for me would be that people make sacrifices and are molded more specifically into a character because of what they want out of life.

For me, I changed because I want to enjoy the business that I do, with it potentially accelerating (relative to a conventional career path) my personal potential, be it in net worth, professional competence, or contribution to society.

Granted, I won’t be able to enjoy the many things that come from a different way of life. And the same goes for everyone else too. We make our choices and pick our battles.

I don’t think there’s any right way to live a life. What helps, though, is that the choices that are being made are ones which we are fully intentional towards.

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As I Wrap-up 2020, These Are My Predictions of What 2030 Will Look Like.

For most people on this planet, 2020 was without a doubt a terrible year. As of this time of writing, 1.7 million people have died from COVID-19. This disaster has brought upon economic hardship to many, and showed how vulnerable we truly are as global citizens.

Can we really say we didn’t see it coming? Hear Bill Gates talk about preparing for something just like this in a 2015 TED Talk.

Our vision is oftentimes crystal clear looking back. But, there are most definitely telltale signs of what’s to come by examining present evidence.

As I reflect on the year 2020, I can’t help but wonder what would a (very different) 2030 look like.

Here are my predictions:

By 2030…

ASEAN Winner

  • Vietnam will be the ASEAN leader and economic powerhouse. Profiting off US – China’s turbulent trade relations in the early 2020’s, it will continue to enjoy exponential growth in export manufacturing throughout the decade. With strong economic fundamentals and stability in government and civil society, its citizens will enjoy a transformational abundance. There will be quality healthcare and education with a burgeoning middle class, making this country an ASEAN winner. (Present: read here)
  • Given the right recipes of being in the country along with access to economic and educational privileges, it is most likely that Vietnam will produce a global icon (such as the likes of Jack Ma, Gates, Zuckerberg). This person will found one of the unicorn juggernauts of the region by injecting innovation to the economic opportunities presented in his/ her geography.

Malaysia

  • The government can no longer maintain a bloated public sector and its pension. All public sector workers hired in the past few years are contract workers. It becomes the least favored employment pathway with an uncertain future. (Present: read here)
  • Malaysia will continue to deteriorate in overall economic performance and ratings. It continues to be plagued by financial leakages and mismanagement due to corruption. This is maintained by politics of race and religion. Due to this, Malaysians experience a lackluster quality of life. (Present: read here)
  • There will be an uptick in demand for the Mandarin language and technology skills. Graduates aspire to land highly competitive tech jobs in China. Most Malaysian graduates see manufacturing jobs in Vietnam as a solution to their financial needs. (Present: read here)

Technology & Environment

  • Humans will be communicating in ways which are completely different than how we do now. This may include a fusion between our biology and hardware. There is a sharp division between use of technology for those born before and after the 2000’s. The former will demonstrate an attitude of strong resistance, while the latter an open adoption. Traditional medias (e.g. social media platforms as we know now) will begin its extinction, being replaced by more organic technologies. (Present: read here)
  • With rapidly increasing pollution and climate change, global calamities become the norm. Countries are pledging and working towards zero emissions, but are not up to speed in addressing this. There is now a near and concrete timeline to when extinction of life will be met. There is no solution yet. Humankind mostly feigns ignorance. (Present: read here and read here)

Health & Society

  • In developed countries, traditional marriages and nuclear families form a minority group in society. Society now consists of a growing mix of various forms of unions and family structures. These include same-sex marriages, stepfamilies, financial-based relationships, digital relationships, and other variants. (Present: read here)
  • In developed countries, atheists form the majority group. Memberships in organized religion continue its rapid decline. (Present: read here)
  • Due to advances in science and technology, global mortality rates and life expectancy will continue to improve. However, depression (a mental disorder) becomes the leading health problem worldwide. Suicide becomes the leading cause of death among young adults. (Present: read here)

Geopolitics

  • ISIS is completely eliminated. (Present: read here)
  • If war were to happen, the reason given will be Iran’s nuclearization. Iran will become a site for a proxy war by the world’s superpowers. (Present: read here)
  • This last point is without much basis due to the randomness of its country’s management, but I’d wager that North Korea will not be able to continue withstanding economic pressure. As such, it takes on a soft approach to a denuclearization deal in a bid to begin opening its economy. Due to this, North Korea will start to show beginning signs of an emerging economy.

So that’s it. The above are what I think would happen in the coming 10 years.

Although its only the 24th of December 2020, I feel like I’m officially done with this year. Regardless of what’s to come in the coming decade, I’m looking forward to 2021, which will be the year for me to start breathing again.

Happy holidays, and Happy New Year 2021!

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Every Day, I Learn From My Clients

A few days ago, a client of mine developed an insight (an “a-ha” moment) during therapy.  What she realized during that session was that she has been suppressing thoughts and feelings regarding her unmet needs: the need to be validated and to be loved by significant people in her life. Her way of trying to receive that validation and love is through pushing herself to obtain academic and work achievements. For years, she toiled non-stop in her studies and work while setting a high expectation of herself, contributing to anxiety and burnout.

With the right conditions, that opportune moment in therapy allowed such insight to surface into her awareness.

Image Source

My “stuck”-ness

I had been feeling rather lethargic the past week. I slept more (>10 hours), but yet don’t feel rested. In fact, I felt sluggish with limited focus. My attention seemed to die off from just an hour or two of productivity (felt like the fire on the candle got blown off without burning till the end). My emotions felt blunted most times, as if I was numb to my feelings. I wasn’t interested in doing much, really. My mind and body weren’t listening to me.

I was wondering why my body was behaving this way. I was thinking if an experimental supplement that I was taking was affecting my energy (long story on this one, but I’m on an anti-aging supplement).

After this particular session with the client, I went back home and was in the middle of a shower. Thoughts of the MCO and how it had deviated my plans for the year started to emerge. I had remained optimistic for the most part of these weird times, oftentimes strategizing on how I could instead adapt to the situation. But, I realized that I did not acknowledge the feelings of disappointment for what has been happening. What would’ve been a hopeful year was instead one that is riddled with uncertainty. Big plans turned into “make do” plans.

Insight is possible with the right catalyst

Witnessing my client develop an insight of herself provided the right conditions for me to develop my own insight. The changes that were happening to my mind and body, incrementally over the course of the week, were proportional to how much I assessed an increased doom and gloom of future economic prospects. I was experiencing depressive symptoms.

My client felt liberated when she developed that insight. Similarly, I too feel the same about mine. There’s more clarity in perspective.

Every day, I learn from my clients.

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What I Have Learned From Observing My Breath.

Mindfulness practice has been gaining prominence in the field of mental health (and also pop culture) as a tool for harnessing psychological benefits. I’m happy to say that this growth in interest of this ancient practice has been proportional also to the growth in evidence of its positive outcomes.

There has been numerous reports of general psychological advantages. Perhaps what excites me more is that mindfulness has also been integrated into several modern psychotherapy modalities. Outcomes have been promising, especially in treatment of mental disorders, namely depression and anxiety. Interestingly, meditators and non-meditators show differences in activation of regions of the brain in imaging studies, with some studies also demonstrating structural differences in the brain (such as this study I read on thicker gray matter density in meditators).

When I conduct brief guided mindfulness sessions, the expressed benefit by the participants have oftentimes been a sense of calm and relaxation. However, I find that mindfulness practice brings out more than just that. Written below will be my subjective account of this practice.

The Wandering Soul

My wandering brought me to India. Pictured here is a busy street in New Delhi, the capital of the country.

My experimentation with mindfulness practice began some time in my mid-20s. At that time, I was having a much harder time managing my emotions effectively. The highs felt like it could spin out of control, while the lows made me feel like I was drowning in quicksand.

I was then acquainted to a short practice by stumbling upon a guided meditation on YouTube. It was 8 minutes long, with instructions mostly related to breathing and also humming.

The rather immediate calming effects experienced from that exercise motivated me to make an impromptu trip to Rishikesh, India. Proclaimed to be the “birthplace of Yoga”, I spent a few days wandering this town. Over there, I picked up a book titled “Old Path White Clouds“, which told the story of the Buddha. I read it by a cafe by the Ganges river everyday, and eventually finished the book on my flight back to Malaysia.

Every evening, a prayer ceremony, called the “Ganga Aarti”, is conducted by the Ganges river. Everyone is free to join along. I remember the atmosphere being calming, with a gentle breeze to my skin.

It was through this travel experience that I understood more deeply what it meant to be “mindful” or “present”. In fact, that was the time when I understood what “spirituality” meant too.

My Mindfulness Practice

At first, 5 minutes of sitting down in silence felt like an eternity. But, it eventually just seemed to breeze by. Upon my return, I had built up my mindfulness practice to about 45 minutes per day.

By doing this, I noticed that regular mindfulness practice led to cumulative gains. I would notice an incremental value in my well-being and mood days after I had been consistent with the exercises.

I often liken thoughts and consciousness to flowing river. It is happening at all times, with little effort. Pictured here is the Ganges river. Upstream, it is clear and pristine.

Most days, sit downs were mostly uneventful. My mind practiced on concentrating, and bringing my attention back to that 1 thing when it does wander. But, there were days when practicing would lead me to experiencing intense sadness or anxiety. There were even bouts of uncontrollable sobbing. Some days, I was instead overwhelmed by a feeling of euphoria.

Receiving The Present

I noticed that these experiences were causing deeper psychological changes within me. The more familiar I was with sitting down in my own company, the more I was okay with experiencing unpleasant emotions. By allowing an unpleasant emotion to exist, the more I realize that it isn’t really scary or harmful. Before this point, I was spending most of my life trying to take action to avoid unpleasant emotions. That way of coping had tend to lead me down a path of questionable decisions. Ironically, the most effective solution that I have learned is to instead sit down and do nothing about it (while practicing present awareness).

Prior to this, feeling good meant only getting support from other people or things. But with regular practice, I felt like I was at a point in life when I was most okay with myself. I developed the awareness that I could also tap into “inner resources”, to which I could rely on myself to feel good.

Needless to say, regular mindfulness practice was a pivotal moment in my life. My personality and worldview had changed tremendously from those months in my mid-20s. I am a very much changed person.

Bringing My Attention Back to the Present

Those days of regular sit downs are now long gone. As much as I had received benefit from consistent practice, it did not seem urgent anymore when life got in the way.

Despite this, I find that something stuck with me from all those hours sitting down. I still am much more balanced and grounded than I was before. Could this be wisdom that came with age, or was it due to all those mindfulness practices? It’s hard to tell, but I bet it is a mix of both.

These days, I do on occasion sit down for 15 minutes to half an hour. Before a practice, it usually feels like I could be doing something else instead. But when I’m done, never once had I not felt grateful that I chose to do it.

Breathing In, Breathing Out

During a mindfulness session, I usually notice that my mind quiets down and stray less when I am at about 10 minutes in. I start to feel more present and “in the moment”. I am more in tuned with the breaths that I am taking. It just feels so much more effortless. And when I open my eyes, I see the world wearing a fresher lens.

Till today, I still find it bizarre that the degree of ease and the joy of just breathing can be so jarring, depending solely on my state of mind.

From all of this, the biggest takeaway from my experience with mindfulness is to always remember to breathe. When times get tough, I go back to my breath. Because what all this has taught me, is that there’s no greater joy than knowing that I am living.

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What makes good psychological therapy?

I am just starting to read the manual on Motivational Interviewing (MI). Among its application is in treatment of substance use disorder. As I read it, I become increasingly aware of how different this methodology is as compared to popular and contemporary skills-based approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In fact, comparing the two, a CBT approach would instead approach therapy sessions in the opposite way.

With such confounding methodologies, what makes good therapy?

I’ve had my fair share of time being on the opposite side of the chair. Some were helpful, some were downright unhelpful, and some were… strange. All of these experiences were coming from qualified mental health professionals. So why the varied outcomes?

Being a practicing psychologist for some time now, here is what I’ve learned so far on what makes good therapy:

Reason 1: Effective and collaborative goal-setting.

Speaking from experience, alignment of treatment goals between therapist and client will result in high retention and engagement. Ideally, this process is collaborative, with regular assessment and re-visiting of goals. The client’s functioning can improve (or deteriorate) and priorities may change with time. Regularly auditing treatment goals can ensure that both therapist and client are on track in making best use of the client’s time and money. Oftentimes, clients are appreciative of the process. By doing this, clients can also make informed decisions with regards to continuing/ discontinuing treatment, or in managing the frequency of consultations.

Reason 2: Effective use of listening and/ or interviewing skills.

At the stage of independent practice, a therapist will require the application of basic counseling skills at an “unthinking” level of competence. It is the bread and butter of an effective therapist. This foundation of competence has to be first addressed before even applying fanciful methodologies. A lacking in this area and misapplication of skills would result in clients feeling unheard, hurt, rejected, or judged. In effect, it achieves the opposite of what a therapist would want their clients to feel.

Reason 3: Accurate conceptualization of the case.

A strange phenomenon I have observed is the hastened prescription of a “cause” to a client’s concerns. This is oftentimes without first having a comprehensive understanding of what is happening in the client’s internal and external world. At the least, a client has to first be understood from a biological, psychological, and social perspective. Only then can the therapist assess his or her competency in addressing any of the client’s concerns effectively, and to begin doing so. The target is oftentimes missed when the dart thrower is blindfolded.

Reason 4: Evidence-based.

Not only is there a wealth of literature regarding treatment methodologies, but of underlying psychological models and processes. These resources can aid the therapist in addressing a client’s concerns effectively. Till today, I am unpleasantly surprised at the extent of mis-prescription of a client’s concerns based on unfounded assumptions or downright wrong application of existing psychological knowledge. Such misinformation is harmful.

Granted, by the time a therapist graduates and begins his or her practice, he or she does not have the full extent of mental health knowledge. In fact, it is an area that is exponentially growing with time.

Educational institutions have to prioritize building competent fact-finding/ research skills with a strong foundation in ethical decision making. This is simply because it is not possible to teach all therapy skills in such a limited time. Similarly, a therapist would need to have a strong drive for continuous learning. Unless supervised, an ethical therapist also does not do a thing that he or she is not competent in doing.

Reason 5: Genuinely care.

There are variety of ways to show how one cares. Mental health professionals are trained to demonstrate this as a skill. As much as this can be trained, what cannot be changed is how a therapist genuinely feel about clients. One has to ask him or herself: “I want to show my clients that I care, but how much exactly do I really care?”

While sounding like a question first asked when embarking on this journey, it is instead one which has to be regularly answered. This is because it may change from time to time. Therapists go through the ebbs and flows of life. This can include changing financial, family, and career commitments. Also affecting this is the extent of how much his or her psychological and emotional needs are being effectively fulfilled.

In private practice, the therapist and client has to be engaged in at least a 50:50 transaction. That is, the therapist at least provides a service of equal value for the amount of ringgit that the client pays for. If the therapist is providing anything less than, clients can go out of the session feeling shortchanged, unfulfilled, slighted, or felt like a fallen victim to a clock watcher.

Principally, I believe that the value ratio should be instead 51:49, to which the therapist delivers 51% of the transaction. While a therapist can contribute more, the client’s contribution (in monetary terms) should not go beyond 50%.

Conclusion

Without even getting into the specific details of therapy or its many modalities, a therapist has to first overcome the momentous task of fulfilling the above. While simplistic in how these reasons look, it is in actual fact a challenge to effectively fulfill.

Undoubtedly, psychological therapy can be helpful. Given the right conditions, it can be a fulfilling experience to clients. Mental health concerns can be successfully addressed. As I continue reading the manual on MI, I keep in mind that a therapist has to always prioritize the first things first.

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Change is the only constant.

I am a peculiar breed of Chinese. I picked up speaking Bahasa Malaysia as I grew up in a majority Malay area. At home, I spoke English. In my childhood years, I had minimal non-Malay friends, and as such did not end up learning any Chinese dialects.

But, one thing I did enjoy every evening were TVB dramas, typically broadcast on national TV at 7pm. It was my only source of Cantonese.

Other than learning “what is your problem?” and “busybody” in the Cantonese dialect, I unfortunately did not pick up any other phrases. What I did remember, though, was a particular scene in one of the episodes.

The restaurant owner and his customer.

Image source

Out of passion and skill, one of the characters in the show opened an upscale restaurant, serving more sophisticated food. Despite the quality of the food and ambiance, it did not manage to draw a crowd.

One day, a person who was working in a construction area nearby had dropped by to taste the food. The restaurant owner, sensing an opportunity, tried to persuade him to bring his co-workers over. The owner was confident that they would like it, as the food was good!

However, the customer had provided feedback that this is not what construction workers wanted. Despite the food being good, they want food which is cheap, fast, and large in quantity. They need to be full to work hard! If the restaurant owner was willing to cater to these needs, he will most definitely bring them over. There were many hungry workers ready to try out a new place, he said.

The turnaround.

The owner deliberated. Customers were still not coming into his restaurant. He was soon facing financial difficulties in up-keeping the cost of running the restaurant.

One day, he decided to give change a try. He invited that customer back to the restaurant, and this time, serving a menu that was cheaper, larger in quantity, and since he was skillful in cooking, it was also delicious.

Eventually, his customer brought in more of his colleagues, and they all raved about the food and the restaurant. They then promised that they’ll be frequent customers to his restaurant. All is now well. His restaurant was saved!

History repeats itself.

Similarly, real life offers many case studies. Take the example of Nokia. It was unable to see the need to innovate beyond its highly successful versions of mobile phones (remember snake?). What about Toys R’ Us? It did not see the urgency to move into e-commerce. Remember Kodak? It was huge while I was growing up, but nevertheless was made redundant when images went digital.

A familiar quote. (Image source)

By examining history, what can be learned here is that the only constant that we can expect is change. There is no such thing as complete certainty. We cannot expect to land a job and assume that it will always remain there. Similarly, your relationships, health, and finances wax and wane through time. It is up to us to not take these resources and blessings for granted.

It is within the nature of the world that change is constantly happening. This happens at the extent of the ever expanding universe, and even down to the smallest particle. Isn’t it interesting that as you are reading this, the cells in your body are even being replaced with completely new ones?

Who Moved My Cheese?

In the book “Who Moved My Cheese?”, the human characters wake up each morning always expecting the mountain of cheese, to which they get their source of nutrition from, to always be there. On the other hand, the mice characters always have their running shoes with them, constantly measuring volume of cheese remaining, and sniffing around for new cheese.

Image source

Not surprisingly, the cheese eventually finishes. The human characters continue to grumble and be unhappy over the situation, while the mice had already found new cheese. Which would you rather be in this fable, the humans or the mice?

Put on your running shoes.

The only control that we have over change is our attitude. Being open and adaptable to change, always looking out for opportunities, and never taking things for granted are vital attitudes in welcoming change. By having these attitudes, we avoid being complacent, and are instead ready for success.

Do you have your running shoes with you? What are you waiting for, change is around the corner!