A few days ago, a client of mine developed an insight (an “a-ha” moment) during therapy. What she realized during that session was that she has been suppressing thoughts and feelings regarding her unmet needs: the need to be validated and to be loved by significant people in her life. Her way of trying to receive that validation and love is through pushing herself to obtain academic and work achievements. For years, she toiled non-stop in her studies and work while setting a high expectation of herself, contributing to anxiety and burnout.
With the right conditions, that opportune moment in therapy allowed such insight to surface into her awareness.
My “stuck”-ness
I had been feeling rather lethargic the past week. I slept more (>10 hours), but yet don’t feel rested. In fact, I felt sluggish with limited focus. My attention seemed to die off from just an hour or two of productivity (felt like the fire on the candle got blown off without burning till the end). My emotions felt blunted most times, as if I was numb to my feelings. I wasn’t interested in doing much, really. My mind and body weren’t listening to me.
I was wondering why my body was behaving this way. I was thinking if an experimental supplement that I was taking was affecting my energy (long story on this one, but I’m on an anti-aging supplement).
After this particular session with the client, I went back home and was in the middle of a shower. Thoughts of the MCO and how it had deviated my plans for the year started to emerge. I had remained optimistic for the most part of these weird times, oftentimes strategizing on how I could instead adapt to the situation. But, I realized that I did not acknowledge the feelings of disappointment for what has been happening. What would’ve been a hopeful year was instead one that is riddled with uncertainty. Big plans turned into “make do” plans.
Insight is possible with the right catalyst
Witnessing my client develop an insight of herself provided the right conditions for me to develop my own insight. The changes that were happening to my mind and body, incrementally over the course of the week, were proportional to how much I assessed an increased doom and gloom of future economic prospects. I was experiencing depressive symptoms.
My client felt liberated when she developed that insight. Similarly, I too feel the same about mine. There’s more clarity in perspective.
Every day, I learn from my clients.