I had a rare moment a few weeks ago. I went to a new barber. And while I was there, I experienced something unusual: a feeling of being cared for, from one man to another.
I’m not saying that I am not cared for or loved in my life. I have a family I belong to. I have friends I meet regularly. To varying degrees, they care for me.
But if you were to ask whether a man typically feels cared for in the way a mother cares for her child, or how someone might care for a beloved pet, that “I want to take care of you” kind of care, especially from one man to another, that is not something most men grow up experiencing.
Most men are conditioned early in life to take care of themselves. Independence is expected. Emotional nurturance is limited. The goal is to become competent, capable, and strong. This pattern is deeply embedded in society. Whether in more traditional or more modern contexts, the message is largely the same.
In family life, the man is often expected to be the one who takes care of things. In friendships, the connection tends to be built around shared activities or intellectual exchange. But it is rarely an experience for a man to be cared for, by another man, in a nurturing way.
My sense is that this creates a lived experience quite different from that of many women.
The last time I remember feeling something similar was about five years ago, when I had a shirt tailored. Going by that frequency, I might only expect to feel this a few times in a decade.
If you’ve ever wondered why a man enjoys having his suit tailored, his watch serviced, his shoes shined, or his hair cut, there is a good chance it is because, in those brief moments, he gets to feel something uncommon.
He gets to feel cared for.
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